Honoring A Day
by Aerilon452
Summary: Helen honors the day of John's past proposal.


Summary: Helen honors the day when John proposed to her.

Rating: K

Pairing: John and Helen

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Sanctuary or the characters.

**HONORING A DAY:**

Helen sat behind her desk. Will, Kate, and Henry had just left after trying to get her to open up about the recent events involving Druitt. She had looked at them, pointedly told them that she was fine, and asked them not to ask again. But knowing her team as she did, they would definitely ask again. Helen wasn't sure if she wanted them to know what was on her mind. John and his past proposal was on her mind.

Helen made sure that her office door was closed before pulling out a velvet box that held one of the only reminders of her past, her stolen life with John. Opening the box Helen gazed at the engagement ring John had placed on her finger so many years ago. Back then she had been happy, her life was how she wanted it with John. They were going to get married and continue to explore the boundaries of the human form. It was a life that she truly wanted and couldn't wait to star. Then darkness struck her and John. Her lover, her soul, her heart had turned out to be Jack the Ripper.

Helen walked to the window and studied her steel and glass jungle while taking the ring out of the box and slipping it onto her left ring finger. The size was perfect and the diamonds were still gleaming. When she felt utterly alone Helen would put on her engagement ring and try to feel some semblance of her former life. But that life was now buried deep with in her, as it should remain. Helen couldn't quite break the habits. "Old habits die hard." Helen muttered.

More than anything she just wanted John back. She wanted to hold him in her arms and tell him how much she missed him, how much she loved him, and how much she wished things were as of old when they hadn't had a care in the world in London. All the wishing in the world would not make it so. She and John were destined, for the moment, to remain apart. Though, that didn't stop her from imagining his arms around her waist or the feel of lips dancing along her jaw line. Right now she could even feel his right hand lacing with her left and his fingers playing with the ring she now wore.

"I want you back John." Helen tried not to sob out. She hadn't realized that she was crying until she spoke. Only John could invoke this reaction from her whether pleasant or painful. If she could change John back to the kind gentle man he was then she would work on forgiving him. Now, she knew in her heart, that he was not responsible for the Ripper murders. Her heart screamed that she was an unwilling slave to that energy monster controlling him. Some day she will free him, she will hold him, and she will tell him that she loves him still. Her love had always remained even through the hellish pain in her heart and soul. John was her lover and her life. Helen would free John if it was the last thing she did.

Going back to her desk Helen removed her ring, placed gently in the velvet box, and put it back in her desk drawer not to be removed for another year. This date was one of the harder days for her to get through. It was this day so long ago that John had asked for her hand, asked for her to be his wife. It was this day that Helen had said yes. Tonight she would relive everything, right down to going to the play Twelfth Night. Then she would come home, open a bottle of John's favorite wine, and morn for the life she would never know and the would be husband she had never had the chance to have.

**LATER THAT NIGHT:**

Night had settled over Old and New City to mask the inner tumult of one resident. Helen Magnus stood on top of the North tower and stared out at the night. She had just come home from seeing Twelfth Night; John's favorite play. it was a way to honor a life that she would never had but still wanted. Tonight was a night for memories and for just feeling. Right now Helen could feel John all around her. His soul, his former self, had been with her at the play and on the ride home. And now she could feel his arms around her and hear his wicked laugh. That laugh always had a way of making her weak at the knees.

For realism Helen had pulled out one of her evening gowns, the red one she had worn the night he had proposed, to the theatre. Now she still wore it and fingered the ring that graced her left ring finger. As always on this date she wore the engagement ring tot the play and imagined John beside her picking out things with the players that annoyed him and ruined the play. That brought a smile to her face. No matter the experience of the players John never failed to find fault with any of them.

Taking a deep breath Helen poured herself a generous glass of red wine and moved closer to the edge. She looked down and felt her heart race. One time John had teleported them to the top of Big Ben where Helen had gotten such a rush. From then on she had loved heights. Tonight was no different, but at the same time it was.

"If you lean too far you may fall."

Helen whirled around spilling some of her wine and saw John, her John smiling at her. He looked as he used to; long hair, evening suit. The John she knew from the 1800's. He was here, he was back. She felt tears slip down her cheeks. "Oh John, how are you...?"

"I'm only here in your mind, my love. I wish," John came closer and wiped away a tear. "I could be here for you for real."

"I wish you were truly here, truly yourself again." Helen sniffed. "I miss you so much. Sometimes I think I can't get through..." Helen was stopped mid sentence by John's long fingers over her lips.

"I'm only here for a short time."

Helen set aside her wine glass and turned once again to the city sprawling before her eyes. It was a city she now protected. As she watched there was the growling of distant thunder and a show of lighting just before she felt John's arms around her waist and his lips dance over her jaw. This was how she had wanted it, how she had imagined it this afternoon in her office. John, imaginary or not, was with her and he was holding her. Helen was going to just enjoy this. It would be another year before she felt this again, felt him near to her. Her hallucination was so real that she could smell the scent of him. Tonight couldn't be more perfect.

"Wow, Magnus, you look..."

Helen turned breaking the spell her mind had cast for her. "Will, how did you find me?" Instantly she felt ridiculous in her gown and her hair cascading in tighter curls.

"Well," Will ran his hand through his hair. he had never seen his boss look more beautiful than she did right now, "This is your favorite place to think and reflect. I knew something was wrong with you this afternoon."

"There's nothing..."

"I know better than that." Will interrupted.

Helen sighed sharply and then looked away. She took her wine glass in hand and took a drink. How best to tell her friend that the man who was Jack the Ripper proposed to her in this day, this time of night? Helen was never ashamed to admit that she had loved a man so fiercely that she had been nearly blind. She was never afraid to admit that she had loved. "Have you ever had a memory of a day so strong that you have to honor it every year?"

"Yeah, the night my mom died."

"Ah, yes." Helen turned to her protégé; "The memory that I choose to honor is the night John proposed to me." she held out her left hand and showed him the ring John had given her. "He took me to see Twelfth Night and i was wearing this dress. I go to the same play on this date every year at the local theatre and I remember what he meant to me." Helen drew her left hand back and once again turned to the sight of her city. Somewhere in the world John was out there. She wondered if he was remembering this day as well.


End file.
